Kisa Cha James a.k.a Fataki

Ni saa kumi jioni, ndio nimeamka kutoka katika usingizi wa mchana. Hapa nilipo nimesimama dirishani, nikitazama mandhari ya huko nje, kuna manyunyu kiasi na ngurumo za hapa na pale.

Hali ya hewa imebadilika katika jiji hili la Dar na kuna hali ya kijiubaridi kwa mbali na hali ya mvua za kiasi na hivyo kupunguza hali ya joto ambalo limekuwa ni la kutisha lisilo na mfano utadhani tupo katika nchi ya Sudan au Chad, naambiwa kuwa hali ya joto imefikia kiasi cha digrii 37, hiki ni kiwango cha kutisha sana tofauti na miaka ya nyuma.

Siku ya leo sikwenda kazini nilijihisi kuwa na homa ya malaria , nikaona ni vyema nikapate matibabu, na baada ya matibabu nikaona nijipumzishe.Kupitia dirishani, nawaona watoto wakicheza mpira, huku wakifurahia hii hali ya manyunyu. Wanacheza kwa furaha huku wakicheka, nadhani ni kutokana na hii hali ya hewa. Nikiwa bado nimewatumbulia macho, mtoto mmoja anaupiga mpira na kuingia ndani ya uzio wa nyumba yangu, kutokana na kuvutiwa na mchezo wao nikaamua kutoka na kuwarudishia mpira wao, nilitamani waendelee kucheza, kwani nilivutiwa sana na watoto wale kwa jinsi walivyokuwa wakicheza kwa furaha.

Baada ya kuwarudishia mpira wao, walinishukuru na kunishangilia kisha wakaendelea na mchezo wao. Ilionekana walifurahishwa na kitendo changu hicho.

James, nimeamua kuchukua karatasi na kalamu ili kukusimulia haya kutokana na uchungu nilio nao, uchungu ambao kamwe sijui kama nitakuja kuusahau. Kidondo ulichoniachia bado hakijapona na kila uchao maumivu yako pale pale. Kwa kifupi sijapata tiba na sijajua ni lini kidonda hiki kitapona.

DK, kama nilivyozoea kukuita wakati ule wa kilele cha mapenzi yetu, naomba nikuite kwa jina hili katika waraka huu, naamini haitakuwa ni tatizo kwako. Ni mwaka wa kumi sasa tangu uliponiacha na kuoa mwanamke mwingine eti kwa sababu sikubahatika kukuzalia mtoto. Pamoja na kunieleza kuwa ilitokana na shinikizo la wazazi wako, lakini naamini wewe ndiye uliyekuwa na uamuzi wa mwisho wa kuamua hatima ya mapenzi yetu.

Kuwasingizia wazazi na ndugu zako naamini haikuwa ni sababu stahili ya kukwepa lawama. DK, naomba ukumbuke kiapo chetu, uliniambia kuwa mimi na wewe mpaka kufa, lakini mbona bado tuko hai, lakini umeniacha, DK, kwa nini lakini?

Kumbuka kwamba matatizo niliyokuwa nayo, wewe ndiye chanzo chake, na ni wewe uliyenishawishi hadi kufikia uamuzi ambao ndio uliosababisha mie kutopata mtoto.

Ilikuwa ni mwaka 1990, tulikuwa ndio tumengia kidato cha sita, na tulikuwa katika kilele cha mapenzi yetu. Ni katika kipindi hicho ndipo nilipojihisi kuwa mjamzito. Nilipokueleza ulishtuka sana, na ulinieleza kuwa hutarajii kuitwa baba kabla ya kumaliza masomo, ulinishawishi tuutoe ujauzito ule ili kuninusuru niendelee na masomo, ulidai kuwa isingekuwa vyema nisimamishwe shule kwa kuwa mjamzito halafu wewe uendelee kusoma peke yako. Tulikuwa tumejiwekea malengo, kuwa tuhakikishe tunasoma mpaka chuo kikuu, hukutaka tutibue malengo yetu.

Nilikupinga kwa maelezo kuwa hata nikisimama shule bado nitakuwa na nafasi ya kudurusu kidato cha sita baada ya kujifungua na nikakuhakikishia kuwa hata kama ukinitangulia sio vibaya, nitahakikisha namaliza chuo kikuu na kutimiza ndoto zetu. Ulinipinga sana, na baada ya kuvutana kwa muda mrefu huku miezi ikiendelea kuyoyoma hatimaye niliamua kukubaliana nawe, na tukiwa pamoja tulikwenda kuutoa ujauzito ule uliokwisha fikisha miezi minne.

Haikuwa kazi rahisi, kwani daktari aliyefanikisha operesheni ile hakuifanya kwa ufanisi kwani hata baada ya kurudi nyumbani hali yangu haikuwa nzuri, niliendelea kusumbuliwa na tumbo. Tuliporudi hospitali nilisafishwa na kuruhusiwa kurudi nyumbani.

Tulirejea shuleni na kuendelea na masomo hadi tukamaliza kidato cha sita. Kwa bahati nzuri wote tulichaguliwa kujiunga na chuo kikuu mlimani, wewe ukisomea fani ya uhasibu na mimi nikisomea fani ya sosholojia.

Tulifanikiwa kumaliza pamoja na kufaulu, tulifanya sherehe ya pamoja na kuingia katika ajira pamoja, mimi nikiajiriwa serikalini na wewe ukiajiriwa katika mojawapo ya mashirika ya Umoja wa Mataifa {UN}.

Baada ya miaka miwili tangu kuingia katika ajira, tuliamua kufunga ndoa ambayo ilikuwa na mbwembwe nyingi. Maisha yetu ya ndoa yalikuwa ni ya upendo na amani. Sio kwamba tulikuwa hatugombani, la hasha, tulikuwa tunagombana lakini hiyo ilikuwa ni njia mojawapo ya kustawisha mapenzi yetu, kwani kupitia kugombana kwetu, tulipata fursa ya kila mmoja kufahamu hisia za mwenzie.

Mwaka mmoja tangu tufunge ndoa tuliamua kuzaa mtoto, na baada ya majaribio kadhaa kushindikana tuliamua kwenda kwa watalamu wa tiba ili kupata ushauri. Ni katika kipindi hicho ndipo tulipopata taarifa ambazo zilinipenya moyoni kama msumari wa moto. Tuliambiwa kuwa siwezi kupata mtoto milele kwa kuwa mirija yangu ya uzazi imeathirika baada ya kile kitendo cha kutoa mimba tulichokifanya wakati ule.

Hatukata tamaa, tuliwatembelea wataalamu kadhaa wa tiba wakiwemo wa tiba za asili lakini hatukufanikiwa kupata mtoto. Miaka minne baadae tangu tuoane ndugu zako walianza manung’uniko ya chinichini, lakini hata hivyo walifikia hatua ya kunieleza waziwazi kuwa mimi ni mgumba siwezi kukuzalia mtoto, maneno hayo yalinichoma rohoni, lakini nashukuru ulikuwa pamoja nami na uliniahidi kunilinda. Hukuishia hapo ulifikia hatua ya kula kiapo kuwa mimi na wewe mpaka kufa.

Nilifarijika na msimamo wako, na ulinipa nguvu kila wakati. Mwaka mmoja baada ya kiapo chako ulianza kubadilika, ulikuwa ukichelewa kurudi nyumbani na nikikuuliza majibu yako yalikuwa ni ya mkato. Chakula ulikuwa huli nyumbani na kama hiyo haitosh ulifikia hatua ya kunipiga kwa sababu ya kukumbusha kule tulipotoka. Mateso yalizidi sana na ndugu zako walikuja kunieleza wazi kuwa unarajia kuoa hivyo nijiandae kuwa na mke mwenza, kwa kuwa huyo mchumba wako ameshakuzalia mtoto wa kiume.

DK, umesahau kuwa hata mie kama nisingetoa ule ujauzito ningekuwa na mtoto wa kiume kama alivyotueleza yule daktari, na uamuzi wa kutoa ule ujauzito haukuwa ni wangu bali ilitokana na shinikizo lako.

Nilipokuuliza kuhusu wanavyosema ndugu zako, ulinijibu kwa mkato kuwa ni kweli na ulidai kuwa haikuwa na ubaya wowote kwa kuwa amekuzalia mtoto, kitu ambacho mimi nimeshindwa.

Nililia kwa uchungu sana na niliamua kuondoka, sikutaka kuishi na mke mwenza kwa kuwa hiyo ni kinyume na mafundisho ya dini yetu ya kikristo. Nilifanya juhudi za kutafuta suluhu kupitia kwa mchungaji wetu lakini haikuzaa matunda na hatimaye tukatengana, na wewe kumuoa huyo binti aliyekuzalia mtoto.

Sikukata tamaa, niliamini tu kuwa iko siku nitakuja kupata mtoto siku moja. Mwaka jana niliamua kwenda nchini Afrika ya Kusini, hiyo ni baada ya kushauriwa na baadhi ya madaktari bingwa, na nilipofika kule nilipatiwa matibabu na kupandikizwa ujauzito. Hivi ninavyokuandikia waraka huu ninao ujauzito wa miezi saba, na ninatarajia kupata mtoto wa kiume mungu akinijaalia.

Hiyo yote ni kutaka kukuthibitishia kuwa kwa mungu kila jambo linawezekana. Nilipokuwa nikiwaangalia wale watoto waliokuwa wakicheza mpira, nilikuwa nimeshika tumbo langu na nilihisi mwanangu na yeye akirukaruka kwa furaha akifurahia kile ninachokiona kupitia kwangu. Naamini na yeye atakuwa ni mchezaji mpira mahiri, kwa kuwa mama yake pia ni mshabiki wa mpira wa miguu.

Naomba nihitimishe waraka huu kwa kukutakia maisha marefu ili uje kushuhudia miujiza ya Mwenye enzi mungu, kwamba kwake yeye kila jambo linawezekana.

Ni mimi mke wako wa zamani.

XYZ.

Collin Raye - If You Get There Before I Do

WE ALL SOMETIMES NEED THINGS THAT CAN BRING US TO OUR PAST MEMORY...PLS ENJOY IT FROM COLLIN RAYE.

I read a note my grandma wrote back in 1923
Grandpa kept it in his coat and he showed it once to me
He said boy you might not understand
But a long, long time ago
Grandma's daddy didn't like me none
But I love your grandma so

We had this crazy plan to meet
And run away together
Get married in the first town we came to and live forever
But nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet instead
I found this letter
And this is what it said

If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then ‘til I see you again
I'll be loving you, love me

I read those words just hours before my grandma past away
In the door way of a church
Where me and grandpa stopped to pray
I know I'd never seen him cry in all my 15 years
But as he said these words to her
His eyes filled up with tears

If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then ‘til I see you again
I'll be loving you, love me
Between now and then ‘til I see you again
I'll be loving you, love me


THANK YOU RAYE

If Tomorrow Starts without Me: For Tuntufye Mwakasaka a.k.a Mzee Mshana

Hi, This Poem is not mine, I just found it somewhere in the web about five years PAST now. The issue is, ever since i saw and read it, it has always been new to me and precious one. Today, I dedicate it to my Loving Uncle; Tuntufye Julius Mwakasaka 2002-2010 who wished could live, grow and harvest what he has always wanted to achieve. He passed away march 2010 suffering from...THE never told disease but he just swelled the whole body, it was not the kidney failure ( It was proved not Kidney failure) but the fact is...Tuntufye; the hero and the notorious boy is no longer with me. I love you, We tried to save your life, you know how much your Mom Struggled for your dearly life. We real love and miss you. We shall meet in Heaven I am sure.

We loved you more than you could have think, Alice and Tunosye never stop mentioned you, you never deserved this pre-mature death. Tunakupenda saaaana

I dont have any special words to tell, but beleive that, We still LOVE you and pray for you everyday, You were an Angel sent to us from Heaven, You were a ROSE brought to Us by God himself but you were the GOLd for you will never grow old in our Hearts and feelings.

We Love you Boy

Yours Uncle

Kurwa,

University of Dar es Salaam




IF TOMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME



If Tomorrow Starts Without Me
Author believed to be
David Romano


When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
all filled with tears for me,


I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.


I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
and each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too.


But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,
and said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.


But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.


I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.


I thought of all the yesterdays
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
and all the fun we had


If I could re-live yesterday
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.


But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.


And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.


But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne.


He said, "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you."
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew


I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same way
There's no longing for the past.


You have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were times
You did some things
You knew you shouldn't do.


But you have been forgiven
And now at last you're free.
So won't you come and take my hand
And share my life with me?


So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.



WE LOVE YOU TUNTUFYE